Oh but people do, don’t they? They are called manipulators, some of them may even be definable as psychopaths.
But all of us can control how we react.
Buddha probably said that, he maybe had a lot of people calling him fat when he was trying to chill out under the Bodhi Tree.
They may try to make you feel guilty or ashamed. Who made them judge and jury?
Brené Brown, undisputed Queen of TED talks stated “Shame is ‘I am a bad person.’ Guilt is ‘I did something bad.’ … Shame is a focus on self. Guilt is a focus on behavior.”
This can be found in an interview of her by Tim Ferriss in Tools of Titans. Funny how he so often has his finger on the pulse of the Zeitgeist and all that.
Albert Ellis, a grumpy curmudgeon but genius founded the Stoicism-inspired Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy, a foundation for much of today’s flavour of the month, Cognitive Behaviour Therapy.
Yeah, I know, spelling of Behaviour is flitting between American and English, you say potato and I say tomato.
Well he pointed out something about people that should help us never have to feel ashamed:-
“they never have to put themselves down, make themselves depressed, horrified, guilty, ashamed of anything. What they do is bad, but they are never bad people. One, they can always define themselves as good people or as people whose essence is not bad. They can choose to have USA- Unconditional Self-Acceptance, even when they behave badly.”
People may do “bad” things, without that making them intrinsically a “bad” person.
And nobody else should be able to make you feel like a bad person either.
How about guilt then? Here’s another quote, possibly from Buddha again, maybe he ate a family size Dairy Milk when nobody was looking:-
“People do the best they can with the resources they have available to them at the time.”
So you might have messed up. Would any of the judgy nay-saying commentators have done any better or differently if they had walked the last thousand miles in your shoes? Learn from it, make any reparations and move on. Maybe forgive some other people too.
There is a lot of such wisdom in this song by Savage Garden, Affirmation:-
And less in these but more about pushing and buttons:-